Claire from “Lost” entered (Anima). She had just given birth and brought her child to me for the first time. She put him in my arms and I bawled so hard! I mean like harder than I’ve cried in a long time. It was super emotional for me. It was like I knew the dad, Charlie, and he had died (her boyfriend in the show and he did die in the show) and it broke my heart for him, but was such a beautiful blessing of its own. The baby had hair patterns that looked like Charlie’s and that made me continue to bawl. Then I stood the baby up and rock music played and the baby danced to it! I thought that was so sweet, since Charlie was a Rockstar (musician archetype). Then I stopped crying finally, wiped my eyes and said “alright, let me really take a good look at you.” He was so beautiful! His eyes were so deep and he stared into me quite powerfully!
The month before this dream, I had one of my most prized lucid dreams where I full on met my Anima in all her glory and she appeared to me as Claire. The way this dream above overlaps her story, from the show, over my life is pure dream genius. In the show, she’s pregnant and gives birth and while it’s not Charlie’s kid, they do form a relationship for a stint and he fills in as the father initially. He was also a musician in the show and died – sorry for all the spoilers.
The musician archetype within me at the time of this dream (2016) was dead (the allusion to dead musician, Charlie), but I was actively trying to recapture it. This is a powerful dream of that process very much in motion. My anima, the feminine aspect of the soul, the source of creativity, is giving birth to a child of a “dead musician” (me). This child is an act of the psyche re-birthing the potential and beauty that is latent within the musician within me. Holding this child in the dream is so powerful to me because this child is so wildly redemptive.
This dream is a most potent concoction of vivid grief over dead Charlie, who felt like one of my closest friends – which archetypally is very symbolic of how much that part of me means to myself (its my closest friend, one of my most treasured aspects of myself) and how devastated I am within that I could have let “him” die. As well as feeling the deep-soul-explosion of redemption that fills my heart through the image and the act of holding this beautiful baby boy. He is a pure act of creation, a new chance to nurture and grow that potential within me once again.
Over the last three years I have rediscovered the musician within me in a greater capacity than I ever allowed for before. It has taken me having to face all the ways and reasons and excuses that caused it to die before – and still am every step of the way. It’s always been a matter of being a better father to my creations. A willingness to do the hard work of a creative life and not allowing the fragile state of this child to be broken by let down, criticism, and failure, let alone left to feel daunted and crippled by the level of vulnerability that is required to show up in the world so truthfully. To constantly affirm to “him” his worth and beauty and never allow him to give up against the tide of adversity that surely comes with living authentically – especially when that adversity comes from within.
I know now all too vividly what I had lost and having reclaimed as much of it as I have so far, I stand in reverence of just how soul-healing writing music is for me. And I will never waver again in my loyalty to honor the expression that burns deep within my soul!
I would be honored for you to take a listen to my album, The Night Sea Journey, the music that helped me begin the hard work of reclaiming this aspect of myself that had died and was almost lost for good. The song “Call You Home” (from NSJ) is an ode to both of these archetypes – and consequentially my own lover also, whom I almost lost sight of while helplessly trying to rescue myself.
And the here is the full length track of “Call You Home” as my gift to you.
Thank you for all your time and support,
The honor is always mine,
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